Falling down

When life hits you, it usually hits you hard. I've been doing a really good job of staying afloat since Daniel has been deployed. Really, I have. I have had minor break downs here and there, but I have kept myself together. Last week I was starting to really feel like I was making the best of this predicament....however today it just feels like it's all come down on me so hard. The realization of losing good friends who knew Daniel and hung out with him and me....they could always joke with me abotu what Daniel might do in certain situations and they missed him too, so it didn't make me feel so damn alone... BUT now they are in Maryland. And Maryland is so lucky to have them! And in the end I am alone in Nevada with my dog. And I know I'm never really ALONE....it just feels that way. I mean, I have other friends who are wonderful and who have helped me out...it's just this feeling I have...my throat is tight, the walls are falling in on me, my eyes won't stay dry, and my heart literally aches. It aches so much I don't know how I'll get through it, what I'll do...nothing. I have been doing zillions of things to keep busy and find happiness without my love...but I still feel the empty hole he has left in my heart. Life is so fair in so many ways, and I'm not complaining...I guess I'm just begging the Universe for something more...possibly some putty to temporarily fill this hole in my heart? Or maybe even the Earth's rotation to speed up so the next few months go by faster?? Maybe I can just develop more hobbies? I don't really know the answer...I'm at a loss. Sometimes I feel I am losing my faith....but I know it's not God's fault, in fact, I know I am suppose to learn and grow from this...but right now I have that feeling you get if you've ever fallen from a tall tree...and all the wind has been knocked out of you...and at this moment I'm just trying to catch my breath and it feels like I'll never be able to.